According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary
: an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality. : victims needing closure; also: something (such as a satisfying ending) that provides such a sense.
I recently saw Tyler Perry’s movie Acrimony, starring Taraji P. Henson and I was scared. I was scared because there were so many scenes in that movie that reminded me of myself when I was hurt by someone that I loved. Especially the scene where Melinda (played by Taraji) knew her man was lying to her when he said he was busy, she felt it in her gut, that woman’s instinct. That instinct is so strong, it’s like being forced to swallow a pill of disgust.
Ladies and gentlemen, when I had that gut instinct I was so full of rage and confusion, but my gut instinct was RIGHT. It was right every single time. It was so right I was sick, lost weight, lost an appetite and I lost peace of mind. And when you lose peace of mind you begin to lose yourself. My thoughts weren’t to only hurt him, I wanted to hurt all the girls and not the typical “smack a b*t*h shit”, sorry I won’t say what crazy thoughts I had because they were so bad I still pray for forgiveness for those thoughts.
Pain and regret made me stay 4 more years in that relationship. I said to myself this was love, learning to ‘forgive and forget’. Lies, I was told lies and I told myself lies and believed them too. If you can’t see where this is going I’ll explain even further. The comfort of being with someone that is your best friend, your lover, your second hand is too much weight to be given to a person that has hurt and betrayed your trust. Yet I needed to recover, I needed to move forward without bitterness and anger and rage. That’s when I became numb.
Being numb is the worst feeling when being in any relationship. It’s like someone attached strings to your emotions and now they have control because your emotions have powered down. Your love has now been struck by a virus with little to no return. You know being a woman in love is hard when you feel lonely in a long-term relationship.
Taking control of your life is your responsibility though. No man or woman owes you closure after being hurt. I got closure on my own. No matter how many times I received an apology, today I found closure on my own. It was so hard at first. I sought revenge and I was still unhappy. I choose to go on a break and I was even more unhappy. I was humiliated again and I just let the tears of pain just roll down my eyes waiting for that moment of closure to just pop up. But it never did. I found closure when I accepted my choices and did everything on my own. Granted I have the most amazing friends and I can always rely on them to listen to me vent. But as an adult, there are many things you’ve got to do on your own without leaning on anyone for help. Love will find it’s way back into your life, but it won’t be like the first time you fell in love so don’t expect the same feelings. I’m so happy I’ve found comfort in myself again and I respect my ex’s new relationship because I’m not small minded. So if you are looking for closure from someone, you’ll be looking forever and you’ll only be disappointed in yourself.
Be Good to yourself always,
Original Good Girl