What Does Your List Say About Your Future Relationship?

We all need love, let’s face it many of us don’t want to be alone forever. I’m talking about a real stable relationship filled with everything our hearts desire. But do you honestly know what you desire besides just being in a relationship.

The infamous ‘List’ we all have needs an update.

As a woman, what I needed and provided in a relationship when I was in my 20’s has completely changed. Besides attraction and material things that can fade and turn to dust are not on my list. The infamous ‘List’ we all have needs an update. What characteristics do you want in your partner? Do you have these same characteristics? Are you good at communicating your needs and emotions? Would you be willing to be in a relationship that lacks 1 feature or several components? What do you want that money cannot buy?

Change is inevitable.

As you grow more mature your list are guaranteed to change. It’s inevitable. You are the only person that knows yourself best and what you require in a relationship. Don’t beat around the bush, and don’t sell yourself short. This is your life, you have the wheel to steer your outcomes in the direction you want, for the relationship YOU want.

Now, pull out that list and make your edits and additions.

With Love,

Original Good Girl

3 Reasons Why It’s Important To Be Complete Before Entering A Whole New Relationship.

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed or professional psychologist or therapist. Please seek professional guidance if you feel like you need to speak to someone.

Having a partner is fantastic, you have someone to create new moments with, share your thoughts with and naturally grow together. And having a healthy mental state of mind is even more amazing and necessary to have. I don’t believe there is a such thing as being “normal” we are all so different that we must understand one another to even come to an agreement of what “normal” looks like. But to continue, You owe it to yourself to be complete, and you have more to offer your partner in your relationship. So here are 5 reasons why it’s utterly essential to have your mental health and relationship to be in check.

1. No One Can Complete Your Void Except You

– Would you prefer an easy $50 gig that requires little work and little knowledge over a $100 gig that would require just a tad bit more training that could draw you into even greater possibilities? I’m guessing you’d go for that $100 gig because you know more is better in the long run. So why would you offer your partner less of yourself?

~ Being in a relationship requires work, and you deserve to be completely honest with yourself when you know your not your best self, you can’t afford to cut corners and sell yourself short of being amazing. Being mentally healthy is not just a perk for your partner but a great gift to yourself. Sometimes we think having a partner will complete our lives. We may have a void in our lives and seeking a partner will never fill that void because only you can fill that void with whatever it is that you feel is missing in your life. Maybe that void is ‘battling self-confidence’ or ‘dealing with a bad break-up.’ Finding the root of the cause of what your void is and filling YOUR void is your responsibility. See a pattern here, this is ‘Yours.’ Don’t go into a new relationship hoping that a partner will complete you or your void. It’s possible to be in a relationship with the perfect person with all their goals accomplished, beautiful/handsome, everything you’ve been looking for in a lifetime partner. But when that “perfect person’ continues to grow and flourish will you grow bitter and resent their wholesomeness just because you haven’t figured out what’s missing in your life? Or will you challenge their worth, making them question if they’re good enough for you? Don’t do either! Be a complete package for yourself and for your relationship. Don’t sell yourself short just because you don’t want to do the work that’s required to be whole. Complete your own void!

2. You’re Carrying Heavy Weight

– Nobody likes someone holding them down; literally. Problems and drama that didn’t come with your relationship should be solved on your own. Your heavyweight belongs to you. No one is responsible for carrying your burdens, troubles, bad habits, and the bad choices that you’ve made. If you’ve got baggage, carry it. If you got terrible habits; change them. We all have heavyweight that we tend to carry around into relationships. And we all know what happens after, our partner gets aggravated, and love is lost. So stop carrying your heavyweight from relationship to relationship. Get rid of that weight, solve those problems you have on your own time and start fresh and light. Your life is just as important as the next relationship you are looking to get into.

3. Discipline

– A little discipline in your personal life goes a long way in other areas of your life. Having discipline is an acquired attribute. You’ve gotta be intentional about eating healthy, arriving to work on time, and be committed in a relationship that requires attention, love, care, support, patience, communication, listening, and it all has to be reciprocated. Being lazy and allowing poor manners in a relationship like having the same arguments about the same problems is a start to reflect on where you make it a priority to change and find a different outcome. Discipline is training yourself to correct a problem or molding yourself to become a better human. It’s not just for your partner it’s for you as well. Its self care, for yourself.

Don’t worry this is a process for me as well, I’m still a working progress in need of much self love and care.

So in the meantime be original, it’s not perfect but it’s you!

From your Original Good Girl, till next time!

Finding Closure after a breakup.

According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary

Closure

: an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality. : victims needing closure; also: something (such as a satisfying ending) that provides such a sense.


I recently saw Tyler Perry’s movie Acrimony, starring Taraji P. Henson and I was scared. I was scared because there were so many scenes in that movie that reminded me of myself when I was hurt by someone that I loved. Especially the scene where Melinda (played by Taraji) knew her man was lying to her when he said he was busy, she felt it in her gut, that woman’s instinct. That instinct is so strong, it’s like being forced to swallow a pill of disgust.

Ladies and gentlemen, when I had that gut instinct I was so full of rage and confusion, but my gut instinct was RIGHT. It was right every single time. It was so right I was sick, lost weight, lost an appetite and I lost peace of mind. And when you lose peace of mind you begin to lose yourself. My thoughts weren’t to only hurt him, I wanted to hurt all the girls and not the typical “smack a b*t*h shit”, sorry I won’t say what crazy thoughts I had because they were so bad I still pray for forgiveness for those thoughts.

Pain and regret made me stay 4 more years in that relationship. I said to myself this was love, learning to ‘forgive and forget’. Lies, I was told lies and I told myself lies and believed them too. If you can’t see where this is going I’ll explain even further. The comfort of being with someone that is your best friend, your lover, your second hand is too much weight to be given to a person that has hurt and betrayed your trust. Yet I needed to recover, I needed to move forward without bitterness and anger and rage. That’s when I became numb.

Being numb is the worst feeling when being in any relationship. It’s like someone attached strings to your emotions and now they have control because your emotions have powered down. Your love has now been struck by a virus with little to no return. You know being a woman in love is hard when you feel lonely in a long-term relationship.

Taking control of your life is your responsibility though. No man or woman owes you closure after being hurt. I got closure on my own. No matter how many times I received an apology, today I found closure on my own. It was so hard at first. I sought revenge and I was still unhappy. I choose to go on a break and I was even more unhappy. I was humiliated again and I just let the tears of pain just roll down my eyes waiting for that moment of closure to just pop up. But it never did. I found closure when I accepted my choices and did everything on my own. Granted I have the most amazing friends and I can always rely on them to listen to me vent. But as an adult, there are many things you’ve got to do on your own without leaning on anyone for help. Love will find it’s way back into your life, but it won’t be like the first time you fell in love so don’t expect the same feelings. I’m so happy I’ve found comfort in myself again and I respect my ex’s new relationship because I’m not small minded. So if you are looking for closure from someone, you’ll be looking forever and you’ll only be disappointed in yourself.

Be Good to yourself always,

Original Good Girl

Cookie Cut Love: Do you show the same emotions to everyone you date?

Disclaimer: This is based on personal experiences and opinion.

We all know a cookie cutter is made to mold undefined dough into a defined cookie dough shape that we would like. And then we would create several cookies using the same exact mold. Maybe it’s because that’s how we like our cookies or that’s what we assume all the cookies of the same dough should look like. Picture our emotions as a tool that has one shape, let’s say a star. Use that star shaped tool on every single person you date. Those emotions are imprinted in that relationship. Now you’ve shaped a star in every relationship you’ve been in and you still don’t understand why the outcome of your relationship with each partner is not what you may like.

So why are we showing the same emotions to each person we date if we don’t seem to be successful with our goal to be with one partner for the rest of our lives. Or better yet why are we dating with the same emotions and seeing a repetition of the same outcomes in different relationships?

So let’s dissect emotions for a bit, according to Paul Thagard Ph.D., article in PsychologyToday ‘emotions are judgments about the extent that the current situation meets your goals’. This may take a twist here, For a long time in my long term relationships I’d been very nonchalant and quiet when my partner made me upset rather than express myself and later blow up in a rage. Ofcourse my partner hated that, but that’s just how I’ve been for so long. Never thought it was something I needed to change until I began to realize that I may need to evaluate the way I show my emotions. My goal has always been to be transparent and show my partner that I care and wanted a long lasting relationship. But that’s the tool I’ve showed all my partners. So I’ve come to the conclusion that whatever I’m doing may need to change a bit. That cookie cut mold is not effective for me, however it may work for some. And if you prefer showing that same form of emotion to each partner then that’s your preference. But as for myself, I believe change is necessary for a successful goal to be reached. If we can accept change in our workplace to grow and learn new skills. We could change how we express some of the same emotions that could be hindering us from being in a long lasting relationship. I rather make a change than never change and regret it later.

A Guys Favorite Excuse

“ALL MEN CHEAT” – Worse Excuse Ever –

I’ve heard all kinds of excuses in my exclusive relationships. But the number one excuse all guys use is “All men cheat,” “women are better at cheating than men,” “I don’t have any feelings for those girls, I was just angry at you” so ridiculous the excuses we come up with when we get caught.

The one I hate the most is, ”All Men Cheat.”

Why is that an excuse for men to cheat? I’d like to believe all men don’t cheat. But that term has become a crutch for many men. In most scenarios when a man does cheat he apologizes, then you as a woman or man (no discrimination here) accept the “all men cheat” mantra in our society.

There was a period in my life when I accepted that line too. Then after conditioning myself to believe that excuse I became numb to it. And later I cheated. I felt horrible about it and made excuses to justify my actions. I was no better than my partner using excuses. Excuses will shape your character. Whether you’re giving your exclusive partner excuses or your friends excuses you’re not being true to yourself and others. You owe it to yourself to build good relationships and have strong friendships, don’t let excuses be apart of your character. Excuses are poison and create a reason to question someone’s trust.

Excuses are for people who don’t want it bad enough. -Anonymous

Disclaimer: This is based on my opinion and experiences only.

Xoxo,

Original Good Girl