How I Imagined Love Would Look Like…

Our eyes would meet and our souls would communicate immediately. The conversations would draw us closer to one another. Closer to my heart and his. Love would look like a never ending connection. No need to ask for respect, loyalty or communication.

All of it would have a natural flow. Like a river, a steady consistent pace of give and take. Always feeling a sense of joy, an instant smile because we feel so comfortable and safe with each other. Filled with Laughter because we know it makes us feel soooo good.

No sense of time and place because regardless we feel as though the world has paused for our love. Because our love is like a slow cooking comfort meal, warm and healthy and delicious making us want more and more.

A bond that last till the sun sets on our last breathe…

till then that’s what I IMAGINED love would look like.

Thoughts from an Original.

What Does It Mean To Have Imperfections?

imperfection:

noun

im· per· fec· tion | \ ˌim-pər-ˈfek-shən

:not perfect

I think you’d probably ask next, what is perfect. Well, here it goes; perfect is corresponding to an ideal standard or abstract concept. In my opinion, both words and definitions are trash. I would imagine to be perfect there must be an original “ideal” that is suited for one’s needs.

But if all of us are imperfect, who are we to judge what is perfect? It’s a matter of perspective if you ask me. If you view someone as ‘perfect,’ then that’s precisely what he/she is to YOU and ONLY YOU. But, many times, we don’t recognize those imperfections as lousy traits; therefore, we accept them as good traits, and that’s where our perspective shows us who can and cannot makes us happy.

Now, if we evaluate ourselves (if we’re honest with ourselves, many of you like to lie to yourselves, and those are toxic habits), we may come down too hard on ourselves; therefore, we have to navigate through our mental state, emotional state, and physical state to see what makes us happy. And these things change frequently. What made us happy last year may not necessarily make us happy this year. And what is imperfect to us now may seem completely perfect a year from now.

Yet, what does it mean to have imperfections? It’s to accept all of you, your pros and cons. I didn’t say accept all your bad habits and never look to improve yourself. We always improve as human beings, but it takes patience to see how to change our bad/toxic habits.

I’ll use myself as an example; I have a very laid back nonchalant attitude. I’ve been this way since I was probably 13yrs old. To some, this was a good trait, and for others, they hated it but wouldn’t say it outright. Instead, guys would tell me I don’t show any emotions or say I don’t care, and it’s quite the opposite I wear my heart on my sleeve when I’m seriously interested in whomever I’m dating. Problem is I’m not an outwardly emotional person, and, my laid back attitude is a defensive trait that can’t fit into any healthy relationship. I’m aware they I’m a work in progress. This is my imperfection. What’s yours?

Till next time,

Original Good Girl

An Ode To Love

Queen & Slim
After watching Queen & Slim, an incredible movie by us and for us about how we are misunderstood, afraid, discriminated, protected, admired, betrayed and yet still find love in the midst of chaos. I felt the urge to write about love.

Push Love

They’re always pushing us to destruction to see our extinction

We’re always pushing ourselves to the same extinction 

When will we push ourselves to be better 

Love is so much easier than hate and jealousy, only if you believe in Love. Believing is the hard part for most. Love is having a personal understanding of what you have to give up. It’s vulnerability at its core. Love.

Love is pure. 

Love is having faith in what you cannot see but rather feel.  

Do you feel me?

Do you feel?

What do you feel?

Going off 

Go off

And let go

Let go of your control

Let go of your control to what you think love should look like

No picture can genuinely depict love

Your love for a person

Your love for your craft

Your love of yourself 

Love hard

Give in to being pure

With love we can create a domino effect of pure abundant love.

With love we can change what the narrative has been for decades

With love we can save our world, our earth 

Our earth exhibits love; the soil is not jealous of the grass that grows nor is the grass jealous of the flowers that blooms upwards from the soil that nourishes the grass that holds the flowers, and the bees that feed on the nectar of each flower. 

So why do we push hate instead of love, are we looking to become extinct?

I’d like to believe that it’s the misunderstanding of our past that has breached our existence. 

This isn’t wild crazy talk, I’m not in love with my King (yet), I’m just taking a different direction in life and I’m starting with love.

Still thinking,

Original Good Girl

Currently Listening to The Other Half by Jidenna

3 Reasons Why It’s Important To Be Complete Before Entering A Whole New Relationship.

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed or professional psychologist or therapist. Please seek professional guidance if you feel like you need to speak to someone.

Having a partner is fantastic, you have someone to create new moments with, share your thoughts with and naturally grow together. And having a healthy mental state of mind is even more amazing and necessary to have. I don’t believe there is a such thing as being “normal” we are all so different that we must understand one another to even come to an agreement of what “normal” looks like. But to continue, You owe it to yourself to be complete, and you have more to offer your partner in your relationship. So here are 5 reasons why it’s utterly essential to have your mental health and relationship to be in check.

1. No One Can Complete Your Void Except You

– Would you prefer an easy $50 gig that requires little work and little knowledge over a $100 gig that would require just a tad bit more training that could draw you into even greater possibilities? I’m guessing you’d go for that $100 gig because you know more is better in the long run. So why would you offer your partner less of yourself?

~ Being in a relationship requires work, and you deserve to be completely honest with yourself when you know your not your best self, you can’t afford to cut corners and sell yourself short of being amazing. Being mentally healthy is not just a perk for your partner but a great gift to yourself. Sometimes we think having a partner will complete our lives. We may have a void in our lives and seeking a partner will never fill that void because only you can fill that void with whatever it is that you feel is missing in your life. Maybe that void is ‘battling self-confidence’ or ‘dealing with a bad break-up.’ Finding the root of the cause of what your void is and filling YOUR void is your responsibility. See a pattern here, this is ‘Yours.’ Don’t go into a new relationship hoping that a partner will complete you or your void. It’s possible to be in a relationship with the perfect person with all their goals accomplished, beautiful/handsome, everything you’ve been looking for in a lifetime partner. But when that “perfect person’ continues to grow and flourish will you grow bitter and resent their wholesomeness just because you haven’t figured out what’s missing in your life? Or will you challenge their worth, making them question if they’re good enough for you? Don’t do either! Be a complete package for yourself and for your relationship. Don’t sell yourself short just because you don’t want to do the work that’s required to be whole. Complete your own void!

2. You’re Carrying Heavy Weight

– Nobody likes someone holding them down; literally. Problems and drama that didn’t come with your relationship should be solved on your own. Your heavyweight belongs to you. No one is responsible for carrying your burdens, troubles, bad habits, and the bad choices that you’ve made. If you’ve got baggage, carry it. If you got terrible habits; change them. We all have heavyweight that we tend to carry around into relationships. And we all know what happens after, our partner gets aggravated, and love is lost. So stop carrying your heavyweight from relationship to relationship. Get rid of that weight, solve those problems you have on your own time and start fresh and light. Your life is just as important as the next relationship you are looking to get into.

3. Discipline

– A little discipline in your personal life goes a long way in other areas of your life. Having discipline is an acquired attribute. You’ve gotta be intentional about eating healthy, arriving to work on time, and be committed in a relationship that requires attention, love, care, support, patience, communication, listening, and it all has to be reciprocated. Being lazy and allowing poor manners in a relationship like having the same arguments about the same problems is a start to reflect on where you make it a priority to change and find a different outcome. Discipline is training yourself to correct a problem or molding yourself to become a better human. It’s not just for your partner it’s for you as well. Its self care, for yourself.

Don’t worry this is a process for me as well, I’m still a working progress in need of much self love and care.

So in the meantime be original, it’s not perfect but it’s you!

From your Original Good Girl, till next time!

The Beginning of a Breakthrough in My Life

It’s 12/08/2018 3:32 AM and I just wanted to share that this year has been the beginning of a breakthrough in my life. Let me emphasize “MY LIFE” no one else!

Earlier in the year, I had high hopes that my life would be better than the year before and after three months I fell back into depression. And I was stuck in that state of mind where I began to lose hope. I was losing hope in my future, in my career, in all my relationships and in my passion for writing and many more hobbies that used to bring joy to me. But I didn’t want to go back down the road of suicidal thoughts; I leaned on God, and it wasn’t easy.

I couldn’t understand the meaning of ‘walking by faith and not by sight.’ I’d go to church, listen to gospel stations and gospel music all day and night yet still I was so lost. I didn’t want to keep going. I didn’t want to listen to the preachers constantly saying “keep faith” I thought it just wasn’t for me.

But I’d been down this road before. So I continued to walk in the faith, NYE came, and I tried to lift myself up, Valentine’s day came, and I celebrated with friends, my birthday came, and I just kept sinking. I was unhappy.

Everyone constantly asking “how are you?” And I’d answer “I’m okay” knowing damn well I was unhappy and wanted to be left alone. But I kept thinking “small steps every day” and “walk by faith and not by sight” those just seemed as words to me rather than truth. And I broke down one morning on my way to work, cried as I got dressed, cried driving into work, and cried at my desk when no one was looking; I had enough.

I decided to stop dating because dating was not what I should’ve been doing. Nothing was changing and I was feeling sick to my stomach. I lost my appetite for days even weeks. Started smoking cigarettes to forget my frustrations and push away the thoughts that constantly drove me crazy. Yet, I kept believing you gotta “walk by faith and not by sight” then I sat in my car thinking why do I have to suffer? Why do I have to be unhappy? I couldn’t answer those questions.

So then my search for a therapist continued (oh FYI, I’d been in search for a therapist since 2017) found nothing until I was placed on a waiting list. I’d said ’fine’ it’s a better answer than “not accepting new patients.” I’d been on that waiting list since April 2018, yet in the meantime, I kept praying, meditating, trying to live my life.

Then slowly a shift occurred, work was no longer as stressful, but I still struggled with my career path. And before you knew it Summer arrived; warm weather always picks me up. Yet this year I didn’t take my selfie trip. Instead, I went out a lot more by myself trying to pull myself together. And I got a big chop, I’d been that long hair natural curly hair girl, till I was just sick of looking at myself in the mirror. So I cut it off. I’m not bald but undoubtedly short enough for barbers to cut my hair on a biweekly basis. I actually loved it. I had expected to hate it at first then I was relieved to see how much I enjoyed looking back at myself.

Hair has always been a part of my “look.” I was afraid I might not have been pretty anymore when I mentally decided to cut my hair, but I was ready to take that chance. Those that know me know I’m certainly more than a pretty face. But many see me and say “you’re beautiful,” and on the outside, I smile and say Thank You gently, but in my head, I say ”I wish you can see more than my beauty.” But now I’m certainly past that thought now. I still love my haircut by the way, and I don’t regret cutting off all that hair.

The amazing perk of cutting my hair has been viewing my life from a new perspective. What I needed to do was go through the pain of growth rather than tiptoe around it. I don’t like the pain, not one bit of it because I find it so hard to explain to others close to me how it feels and they don’t understand. And it made me feel like a complicated math problem that most people dread to solve. But the problem requires a solution, and there’s always a solution. The key is understanding it’s not for others to solve. It’s for me to solve and to share the solution with others to understand so that they can choose to accept me or walk away. And I’m good with that. No hard feelings, no anger, no regrets. This is what life offered me to grow because I wanted to change for myself.

Change offered me an advance on my career recently; small steps have pushed me to forgive myself and the people that hurt me and therapy uncovered the mess I buried only to realize that I’d be totally fine. So when topics about dating, daddy issues, and relationships are brought up again, I can answer them without anxiety and fear. I understand who I’m becoming, and I’ll forever be The Original Good Girl.