What Does It Mean To Have Imperfections?

imperfection:

noun

im· per· fec· tion | \ ˌim-pər-ˈfek-shən

:not perfect

I think you’d probably ask next, what is perfect. Well, here it goes; perfect is corresponding to an ideal standard or abstract concept. In my opinion, both words and definitions are trash. I would imagine to be perfect there must be an original “ideal” that is suited for one’s needs.

But if all of us are imperfect, who are we to judge what is perfect? It’s a matter of perspective if you ask me. If you view someone as ‘perfect,’ then that’s precisely what he/she is to YOU and ONLY YOU. But, many times, we don’t recognize those imperfections as lousy traits; therefore, we accept them as good traits, and that’s where our perspective shows us who can and cannot makes us happy.

Now, if we evaluate ourselves (if we’re honest with ourselves, many of you like to lie to yourselves, and those are toxic habits), we may come down too hard on ourselves; therefore, we have to navigate through our mental state, emotional state, and physical state to see what makes us happy. And these things change frequently. What made us happy last year may not necessarily make us happy this year. And what is imperfect to us now may seem completely perfect a year from now.

Yet, what does it mean to have imperfections? It’s to accept all of you, your pros and cons. I didn’t say accept all your bad habits and never look to improve yourself. We always improve as human beings, but it takes patience to see how to change our bad/toxic habits.

I’ll use myself as an example; I have a very laid back nonchalant attitude. I’ve been this way since I was probably 13yrs old. To some, this was a good trait, and for others, they hated it but wouldn’t say it outright. Instead, guys would tell me I don’t show any emotions or say I don’t care, and it’s quite the opposite I wear my heart on my sleeve when I’m seriously interested in whomever I’m dating. Problem is I’m not an outwardly emotional person, and, my laid back attitude is a defensive trait that can’t fit into any healthy relationship. I’m aware they I’m a work in progress. This is my imperfection. What’s yours?

Till next time,

Original Good Girl

Cookie Cut Love: Do you show the same emotions to everyone you date?

Disclaimer: This is based on personal experiences and opinion.

We all know a cookie cutter is made to mold undefined dough into a defined cookie dough shape that we would like. And then we would create several cookies using the same exact mold. Maybe it’s because that’s how we like our cookies or that’s what we assume all the cookies of the same dough should look like. Picture our emotions as a tool that has one shape, let’s say a star. Use that star shaped tool on every single person you date. Those emotions are imprinted in that relationship. Now you’ve shaped a star in every relationship you’ve been in and you still don’t understand why the outcome of your relationship with each partner is not what you may like.

So why are we showing the same emotions to each person we date if we don’t seem to be successful with our goal to be with one partner for the rest of our lives. Or better yet why are we dating with the same emotions and seeing a repetition of the same outcomes in different relationships?

So let’s dissect emotions for a bit, according to Paul Thagard Ph.D., article in PsychologyToday ‘emotions are judgments about the extent that the current situation meets your goals’. This may take a twist here, For a long time in my long term relationships I’d been very nonchalant and quiet when my partner made me upset rather than express myself and later blow up in a rage. Ofcourse my partner hated that, but that’s just how I’ve been for so long. Never thought it was something I needed to change until I began to realize that I may need to evaluate the way I show my emotions. My goal has always been to be transparent and show my partner that I care and wanted a long lasting relationship. But that’s the tool I’ve showed all my partners. So I’ve come to the conclusion that whatever I’m doing may need to change a bit. That cookie cut mold is not effective for me, however it may work for some. And if you prefer showing that same form of emotion to each partner then that’s your preference. But as for myself, I believe change is necessary for a successful goal to be reached. If we can accept change in our workplace to grow and learn new skills. We could change how we express some of the same emotions that could be hindering us from being in a long lasting relationship. I rather make a change than never change and regret it later.