The Beginning of a Breakthrough in My Life

It’s 12/08/2018 3:32 AM and I just wanted to share that this year has been the beginning of a breakthrough in my life. Let me emphasize “MY LIFE” no one else!

Earlier in the year, I had high hopes that my life would be better than the year before and after three months I fell back into depression. And I was stuck in that state of mind where I began to lose hope. I was losing hope in my future, in my career, in all my relationships and in my passion for writing and many more hobbies that used to bring joy to me. But I didn’t want to go back down the road of suicidal thoughts; I leaned on God, and it wasn’t easy.

I couldn’t understand the meaning of ‘walking by faith and not by sight.’ I’d go to church, listen to gospel stations and gospel music all day and night yet still I was so lost. I didn’t want to keep going. I didn’t want to listen to the preachers constantly saying “keep faith” I thought it just wasn’t for me.

But I’d been down this road before. So I continued to walk in the faith, NYE came, and I tried to lift myself up, Valentine’s day came, and I celebrated with friends, my birthday came, and I just kept sinking. I was unhappy.

Everyone constantly asking “how are you?” And I’d answer “I’m okay” knowing damn well I was unhappy and wanted to be left alone. But I kept thinking “small steps every day” and “walk by faith and not by sight” those just seemed as words to me rather than truth. And I broke down one morning on my way to work, cried as I got dressed, cried driving into work, and cried at my desk when no one was looking; I had enough.

I decided to stop dating because dating was not what I should’ve been doing. Nothing was changing and I was feeling sick to my stomach. I lost my appetite for days even weeks. Started smoking cigarettes to forget my frustrations and push away the thoughts that constantly drove me crazy. Yet, I kept believing you gotta “walk by faith and not by sight” then I sat in my car thinking why do I have to suffer? Why do I have to be unhappy? I couldn’t answer those questions.

So then my search for a therapist continued (oh FYI, I’d been in search for a therapist since 2017) found nothing until I was placed on a waiting list. I’d said ’fine’ it’s a better answer than “not accepting new patients.” I’d been on that waiting list since April 2018, yet in the meantime, I kept praying, meditating, trying to live my life.

Then slowly a shift occurred, work was no longer as stressful, but I still struggled with my career path. And before you knew it Summer arrived; warm weather always picks me up. Yet this year I didn’t take my selfie trip. Instead, I went out a lot more by myself trying to pull myself together. And I got a big chop, I’d been that long hair natural curly hair girl, till I was just sick of looking at myself in the mirror. So I cut it off. I’m not bald but undoubtedly short enough for barbers to cut my hair on a biweekly basis. I actually loved it. I had expected to hate it at first then I was relieved to see how much I enjoyed looking back at myself.

Hair has always been a part of my “look.” I was afraid I might not have been pretty anymore when I mentally decided to cut my hair, but I was ready to take that chance. Those that know me know I’m certainly more than a pretty face. But many see me and say “you’re beautiful,” and on the outside, I smile and say Thank You gently, but in my head, I say ”I wish you can see more than my beauty.” But now I’m certainly past that thought now. I still love my haircut by the way, and I don’t regret cutting off all that hair.

The amazing perk of cutting my hair has been viewing my life from a new perspective. What I needed to do was go through the pain of growth rather than tiptoe around it. I don’t like the pain, not one bit of it because I find it so hard to explain to others close to me how it feels and they don’t understand. And it made me feel like a complicated math problem that most people dread to solve. But the problem requires a solution, and there’s always a solution. The key is understanding it’s not for others to solve. It’s for me to solve and to share the solution with others to understand so that they can choose to accept me or walk away. And I’m good with that. No hard feelings, no anger, no regrets. This is what life offered me to grow because I wanted to change for myself.

Change offered me an advance on my career recently; small steps have pushed me to forgive myself and the people that hurt me and therapy uncovered the mess I buried only to realize that I’d be totally fine. So when topics about dating, daddy issues, and relationships are brought up again, I can answer them without anxiety and fear. I understand who I’m becoming, and I’ll forever be The Original Good Girl.

A Guys Favorite Excuse

“ALL MEN CHEAT” – Worse Excuse Ever –

I’ve heard all kinds of excuses in my exclusive relationships. But the number one excuse all guys use is “All men cheat,” “women are better at cheating than men,” “I don’t have any feelings for those girls, I was just angry at you” so ridiculous the excuses we come up with when we get caught.

The one I hate the most is, ”All Men Cheat.”

Why is that an excuse for men to cheat? I’d like to believe all men don’t cheat. But that term has become a crutch for many men. In most scenarios when a man does cheat he apologizes, then you as a woman or man (no discrimination here) accept the “all men cheat” mantra in our society.

There was a period in my life when I accepted that line too. Then after conditioning myself to believe that excuse I became numb to it. And later I cheated. I felt horrible about it and made excuses to justify my actions. I was no better than my partner using excuses. Excuses will shape your character. Whether you’re giving your exclusive partner excuses or your friends excuses you’re not being true to yourself and others. You owe it to yourself to build good relationships and have strong friendships, don’t let excuses be apart of your character. Excuses are poison and create a reason to question someone’s trust.

Excuses are for people who don’t want it bad enough. -Anonymous

Disclaimer: This is based on my opinion and experiences only.

Xoxo,

Original Good Girl

To Break or Not to Break? 5 reasons why you could use a break.

How many relationships have you found yourself in and needed to take a step away to gain clarity? Some may say “screw it I don’t want this anymore and let it all go”. Others stay and just deal. We often find that we put ourselves in redundant situations. But the main focus is to just get yourself together, press that pause button, and analyze what you’re in that relationship for today. Taking a break for the right reasons could definitely help. Here are 5 reasons why you could use a break.

5. Your life is not the center of your world anymore. Sometimes we engulf ourselves into our partner that we dive so deep and forget who we are or even how to function doing just basic things on our own. For example, you find it difficult shopping or choosing a nail polish or even what meal you want from the restaurant without your partner. You’ve choosen every little thing with your partner as if you don’t have a mind of your own. No More! Make your own choices and be comfortable with them.

4. He/She is beginning to ignore you or the things that are important to you. When you find yourself constantly repeating yourself to your partner about a topic or having a full blown hour long conversation that he/she doesn’t even remember anymore; it’s DISRESPECTFUL! Listening skills are so very important in a relationship! It’s part of communication!! And Communication is Key!!! Did you hear me, COMMUNICATION IS KEY, Ladies and Gentlemen. Seek out a therapist, I know it seems taboo for some but just one session could help. It can be a therapist just for yourself or for the both of you. All else fails talk to one of your unbiased friends or family member.

3. You’re not feeling loved. Playing a part-time role in a relationship is not fun. Nobody likes second place. You shouldn’t feel like you’re not sure how to plan a date night or a spontaneous time out with your partner just because he/she had plans you knew nothing about. Now don’t be confused with your partner’s career/life goals as his/her top priority because that’s probably what attracted you to your partner in the first place, but you knew that already right. If you and your partner speak on a daily basis or even live together it’s only fair he/she mentions their whereabouts and plans for the day or the weekend. Here’s an awkward situation to run into: Your partner’s mother calls and asks if you know where John* is tonite and you tell her you don’t know. She’s thinking what sorta partner doesn’t know where his/her loved one is, what sorta relationship is this. Now the mother assumes the relationship isn’t serious and may not take you serious either. Talk to your partner about everything even the smallest things, you may feel left out or part-time because your not communicating enough.

2. You’ve accepted all of his/her excuses and hear “it’s not that big of a deal”. Excuses should not be accepted. Your boss wouldn’t accept excessive late excuses so why would you accept them from your partner. You’re both trying to build a strong foundation in your relationship so don’t let cracks broaden until there’s no filler to smooth out the problems.

1. You haven’t let go of his/hers infidelity. For those that want it to work, find clarity in this situation; it’s gonna take forgiveness and mental focus to let go of the pain you feel. Don’t blame yourself and never let your partner blame you for they’re mistake. Infidelity hurts, don’t brainwash yourself into thinking this is your fault. If you’re married ’till death do us part’ seek counseling. If you’re not married but you want to make it work seek counseling and evaluate your goals as a couple. Maybe you both have grown in other directions and now it’s time to part. Relationships are investments. And your worth is gold. Take a break, if the relationship is worth it then you’ll get back together; if you’ve both grown apart, don’t worry you’ll be okay.

Xoxo,

Original Good Girl