The Most Important Thing to Understand About Ourselves and Others

…we will always be imperfect people!

In the midst of losing one of the greatest basketball players of our time, Kobe Bryant and his beautiful talented daughter Gianna Bryant I can’t help but to share my father/daughter story. It’s certainly not as beautiful as the relationship between Kobe and Gianna. From what I can see and understand they had a beautiful father/daughter relationship, one that I wish I could have experienced. When I think of how their bond may have been I’m left at a loss for words because that is a love I didn’t get a chance to experience. Yet my heart is saddened because he has left behind three other girls and his wife who now have to experience a heartbreak like no other. My story is a bit different however, it is a story nonetheless. It’s not up to us to understand how God works nor question God’s order of life.

Short Storytime, my parents divorced when I was about 7 or 8 years old, and I didn’t form a relationship with my father. Yet he tried reaching out to make some effort to keep in touch with me as I grew older. But he stopped trying after so many failed attempts. Then I would begin to forget about him, which later caused me to build some anger towards him. My family sensed that I didn’t particularly appreciate talking about my father. And one day in my early twenties, I spoke with him, and I was a tad bit rude. Honestly, I had nothing to say to him, and I’m not too fond of small talk. I found myself angry and sad more often because I didn’t have my father in my life. Some night’s I’d wonder, was I a mistake? Why would he leave me? All I remember about him growing up was his inconsistent presence, his espresso coffee, and his guitar.

Now, as I come to understand the relationships I have created today, I know why I find comfort in distancing myself from friends, and why it’s been so difficult for me to show my emotions and why I struggle with commitment. These are my faults and vices, and I do not make any excuses for them because I know I am imperfect. I’m well aware of where I can use improvement, and I also when to admit my wrongdoings; because I owe it to no one but myself to be a better person in a world full of pretenders.

30 years later, I’m willing working to repair my relationship with my father. This will be one of the biggest challenges in my life. All this to say, we can always choose to be better people to those close to us. We can choose to forgive those that have hurt us, we can choose to let go of the pain that serves no purpose, but no one can push us to make a change. And it’s certainly not so easy to change as well, but it’s our choices that create our reality.

Our choices are a signature of our personality. And not everyone will agree with our choices in life. Hey, some will not understand how or why we made those choices. Those that choose not to comprehend, lose the power of growing into knowledge, and those that do understand gain power to enlightenment. Understanding that people are imperfect doesn’t mean you must agree; it means you’re willing to change.

Be the change you need in your life, then be the change the world needs.

Till next time,

Original Good Girl

What Writing And Therapy Has Done For Me These Past 15 Months.

It’s been one year and three months since I’ve been seeing my therapist and nearly two years since I’ve created my blog. But what I must also share is that I’ve been writing in my journals since I was in Junior High School, so this writing hobby didn’t just take flight yesterday.

As I logged into my therapy session via Zoom this week at home, the topics of being perfect and happiness came up. My therapist mentioned to me that the definition of perfect is, “as being exactly what something is – as in something being fully authentic – that is its version of perfection.” And as the waterfall of my thoughts occurs, I still happen to forget that. And that’s part of what therapy is all about, reminding ourselves the authenticity about life ‘Your Life’ in particular.

You are Perfect every day in every way. When we try to copy or imitate others, we struggle to form their idea into our perspective. Your mistakes, your problems, your issues are not imperfect; they part of your journey in life. Whether it’s that business your looking to launch, or that family you want to start it will be perfect based on your hard work and endeavors. Love what you do so that it pays off each time your so hard on yourself.

My writing has been my outlet, and therapy for me. That’s where I turn to when I need to regurgitate all the noise in my head, my feelings, my emotions, and even when I feel like I don’t want to burden anyone else with what’s going with me.

But therapy is what helps me push past my comfort zone, helps me figure out what triggers me and where it stems from without feeling judged or guilty. Sometimes we can’t give all our problems to our friends or family because that’s a weight they don’t need to carry. Well if your an empath like myself you’re always feeling the energy from people wether their your friends or strangers or family. It feels heavy, sometimes like a shot of pain, or joy, or love. And it hangs over the entire mind and body. And with these feelings, I carefully choose where I will and will not show up. I don’t avoid people and places; I’m aware of who and what is best for me.

I choose therapy to unwrap those misleading thoughts and discontinue the habits of generational curses, and writing to be completely vulnerable. If I knew how to sing, I’d do that too, LOL.

Peace,

Original Good Girl

Currently Listening to Find Your Way Back by Beyoncé

Honesty Hour: I fell into a comfort zone.

Hey yall, well as you can see it’s been quite some time since I’ve posted any content on my blog and it’s not because I wanted to neglect my writing but life has been pushing me out of my comfort zone.

So am I still writing, HELL YES! I’ve actually been writing weekly for the new PURPOSE APP by Angela Simmons. If you haven’t downloaded the App do it now. And yes you read it correctly, WEEKLY! I’ve been putting most of my effort into writing at least 3 articles on Faith, Love/Relationships, Beauty and Health. I was blessed to be given this opportunity to share my writing and thoughts on a platform focused on Women and our Purpose. It hasn’t been the easiest for me though. I have days when I don’t want to write, days where I don’t want to share, days where I think to myself “WTF am I even doing here”. But it has taught me that with consistency I can push myself out of nasty mental funks. It’s worth it, and I’ve talking to God more often than ever. Nothing is impossible with God on your side!

And work, I have a great career where I enjoy what I do as an Analyst. I spend so much time at work on several projects, where I don’t regret taking on issues that no one else may not want to handle. Plus the company I work for is expanding and I just know I can make a difference and make my mark. I rather not say who I work for because I’d probably need permission for that but it’s not about the company, this is all about me and the growth I’ve been making. I work through my lunch some days, past my scheduled hours and although I get home totally exhausted it’s worth it. I’ve learned that if you really want to be great at what you do you have to spend a little bit more time at it than the norm. I’m not interested in being normal, I’m interested in being great at what I do even if it means my weekends consist of resting for 2 days straight at home. I look forward to going to work now.

Now as for this blog, I want to take it to another level. So it won’t only be about love and relationships and self-care. I’ll be talking much more about Mental Health, Sexual Health, Lifestyle as an American Haitian, a Black Girl is a growing world and much more. I’m not boxing myself and my words anymore. Expect something different from me. I’ve been going to Therapy consistently, listening to podcast more often, diggin my 90s music and new music that I can relate to and living my life without the tight control of what everyone thinks and wants from me.

I’m on a journey, and that means there will be a change…

Xoxo, Original GG

The Effects of Adulting: What everyone failed to tell me!

Adulting is hard as #@*k!

When I gradutated college I wanted a manual of how to get through my 20’s so I bought a few ‘Self Help’ books. Ofcourse my friends laughed. But now as I peak into my 30’s, Adulting is just the way of life, there’s no more summer breaks, no extended Holiday days off from school, no end of term and looking forward to a looong break ahead. This is life!

Adulting has no manual, growing into your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and so on has no manual. You have to create the life you want, save the money you earn (and not only for back to school) for bills, for emergency, for trips, for everyday spending. Everyday is a new challenge, every relationship has new stipulations and every job comes with new demands. We’ve been adulting since we earned our first $1, we just didn’t understand what was next. And that’s Okay. This is life, it’s not so hard if you stop comparing yourself to ‘The Joneses’ or to social media.

“Life is what you make it”

That quote always pops up but what does it even mean. It means YOU DEFINE YOUR LIFE, that’s it. If you rather see your money in the closet than in the bank, that’s the life you want, if it means watching your money grow in stocks and businesses that’s your choice. There is no meme that defines your life, you are the only person that knows as an adult what means the world to you. To me, I see life more grand than any valley or mountain or tree on this earth. Life is simple, it has a beginning, middle and end and although it’s not always easy, it’s the way I get through all those moments. Because then I can reminisce on those times and share my experience with others regardless I’m sharing with my peers, my elders or those younger than me. My life is my story as is yours.

Like Beyonce said “I’m a Grooooown Woman, I can do WHATEVER I want”

Trust the Process!

I used to believe that being a good person was enough for everything in life, enough in school, enough in my career, and certainly enough in all my relationships. But I understand now that being good is just the minimum of where our potential reaches. We don’t want a minimum wage salary in our careers, nor do we seek a minimum lifestyle. We always want the most out of what life has to offer, but it’s a process.

I recently read a daily devotional that a friend shared with me about having “level 8” relationships, whereas we want to get to ten as close as possible. And I expressed to her that I wish I had a closer deeper relationship with her and a couple of other friends because I call them my “sisters” but I don’t have that bond where I can share my deepest thoughts or feelings. Then it hit the both of us, we both needed to make the time and effort to process a level 8 relationship. The process is what was lacking in our relationship. Any time I here the term ‘Process’ I think of a receipe. Not only do we need the right receipies but we need the time and effort and patient to process the perfect outcome.

So where do we go from here now that we have all these relationships with friends, family, coworkers and partners?

Before we can begin to trust the process,  we have to start the process and it takes small steps everyday.

Speaking for myself, I have so many relationships that need more work. And now that I am dating again, I want a level Ten relationship. So I’m trusting the process in getting to know my future partner and allowing my partner to know the raw me so it makes the process easier for the both of us. No sugar coating, No walls, No tricks. To know me is to love me and to fall in love is to accept a person’s entire being. I’m embracing the process as I learn from my past. The young woman in my past relationship was being a good girl and that wasn’t enough! My partner needed more from me and in return I needed more from him. But because I wanted to Process myself in a long term relationship as a “good girl” I received a relationship that was “good” but not Great.

Trusting the Process is easy some days and hard on other days, but everyday it’s necessary for any growth.

Trust the Process. Embrace the Process. Fall in Love with yourself during the Process.