Since I graduated college, I’ve dated four guys. And I don’t regret dating any of them, each one was better than the last but still not the right one for me. I thought I risked it all each time I left each partner; thinking “damn could this be my King.” But I’m glad I took each risk because on the other side of risk has been a lesson of clarity.
At 22, I wanted to be married to the love of my life, a family and a home with a white picket fence (still want the marriage part). And as women we always do that, we expect every single feature of what life and love should look like when we know very little about how to attain those goals. Some of us cheat ourselves from finding true pure love; we continuously create these visions in our mind of how our experience of a picture-perfect life would be if we only had that man or career or lifestyle that puts everything into perspective. But every day our perspective changes and we fail to realize the reality of life. Truth is we aren’t honest enough with ourselves; some of us settle too quickly for what’s given to us, and others create a grand illusion of a fabulous happy ending without pouring more wisdom into ourselves. Just like life has detours, so does love, there are many ups and downs and each one come for a reason; there’s a reason for everything that happens to us. Each emotion, each gut feeling those are signs that some us tend to ignore.
There was a time when I used to date and if I no longer felt the relationship served me any purpose I immediately stopped dating that guy with no hesitation. But what I also knew when I was younger was that after one conversation & one interaction I knew if that guy was the one to be my lifelong partner and no one matched my idea of what I wanted in a husband. I also thought I knew it all at the age of 19, but that’s how we feel as young women.
Recently I realized I’ve been using my head much more than my heart to find love, and it’s because I always felt the need to create a challenge for the guys I dated. And honestly, I’ve grown tired of the problems I created for men to find their way to my heart. My heart is a lot stronger than my head, and I know when someone is not for me. My mood is visibly shown and my energy is intense when I’m not genuinely interested. I cannot force myself to love anyone, nor should any woman or man do so because then a poison of resentment will begin to grow for yourself or worse for your partner. There’s no manual to falling in love with someone it either happens, or it doesn’t. And not to be confused with lust; lust is temporary, love leaves a long lasting impression in your soul.
Love shouldn’t disrespect you; it shouldn’t hurt you mentally, physically or emotionally. It’s a continuous journey of two people that can share each other’s minds at their most vulnerable moments whether they feel weak or strong.
So is being in love a smart move for you or impractical?